I've had a bunch of stuff going on that's taken a toll mentally. Foremost, a member of my family has been diagnosed with cancer after a long period of remission/no-cancer. So that really, really sucks. Secondly, work hasn't been great. There's been more folks let go from leadership roles, and there's an additional target of 15% of the workforce to be "trimmed". That's pretty downright ordinary too. Even that aside, work isn't really all that inspiring or motivating al all. It's become a eight hour shift of doing work, that'll be rarely used, for folks that don't care about it, and really, I'd question the value that our team adds at all.
So. Where does that leave me.
Amusingly, chasing butterflies. Doing loads of things that aren't overly important.
Really, I'm in a pretty anxious state, which sort of feels hyperactive, but also useless at the same time. I want to do everything, but accomplish nothing. I'm feeling burnt out, but I don't want to walk away from anything. So, all in all, a bit of a right mess, you might say.
I'm very slowly plodding along, I've added some items, I've added some NPCs, I've added some quest stuff. It's all very meager, and not at all any grand updates or additions, but I'm trying to keep myself stepping forward to what I need for the beta. I think, there's also a really big feeling of pressure to go with that too. What if everyone that's been coming here once a week, or once a month to check on updates, downloads it once I open up t he beta... and what if it's not up to expectations? As I get nearer and nearer the moment when I do open the beta stage up, I get more and more apprehensive of it maybe not being good enough. What if folks get through all the content in a day? What if the skills aren't good enough? What if the animations and world aren't where you expect it to be?
And look, I've been in not-fantastic states of mind before in my life. I can recognize when I'm not looking at the world in full colour - and I'm admitting that right now, that's where I am at. I dare say, that I'll manage to right this ship sooner rather than later, to get my motivation up where it needs to be, and to find that confidence in what I do - and to take it back to my day-to-day existence. I'm hoping that it's not far off, as I'll be the first to voice my frustration with lack of progress currently, and with each day adding another day to the delay of the open beta I've been working towards.
So, to those of you that come to the site for regular updates, I both apologize and ask for a bit of a reprieve. I'm working through it, and I'll be at full speed soon again I very much hope. If you're here for the first time, Check out all my awesome updates below - they're generally much better than this.
Okay, so here's the scoop on the image. It's part of a quest starting out of Rust and Timber.
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